I decided some time ago to add another day of exercise to my two yoga days a week. The only thing available at the place I take yoga classes was water aerobics. My friend and I talked ourselves into it, and I started with a burst of confidence that this would be a piece of cake. After all, if I could survive being twisted like a pretzel in yoga, this had to be easy peasy.
I was wrong. These classes work me like a bird dog in training. My legs and arms feel like noodles at the end of an hour. When I leave the low gravity of the water, my limbs immediately feel like they weigh 40 pounds more. I have drawn a little illustration (in layman's terms for you non-water-exercising people out there) to demonstrate what I go through. I left off the tortured look on my face, in case you might consider trying water aerobics.
I don't want to throw cold water on your plans, after all.
Yes, that was a pun. A bad one, but the best I can do at this ungodly hour of the morning.
Lessons I have learned in water aerobics:
1. No matter how tight you pull the belt on the flotation device, it still ends up under your armpits.
2. Flotation devices make excellent cleavage enhancers. Better than a Victoria's Secret push up bra.
3. When you leave the pool, gravity reminds you that your cleavage isn't as awesome as you thought it was. The lap swimmer you thought was gawking at your cleavage in the lane next to you is now laughing at you.
4. If you crane your neck, you can keep your hair dry, makeup intact, and bling shining in your ears. Until that damn flotation device rolls you over on your face.
5. Never wear washable mascara to water aerobics. Unless you enjoy the raccoon effect.
6. Wear something really loose to change into after class, like a moo moo. If you don't, it will take you an hour to get dressed, because your arms and legs are noodles. If you don't believe me, try putting skin tight jeans on a cooked noodle sometime. Can't be done.
7. The dead man's float is the best move in the world when you wear out. The flotation device will assist you into this position.
8. By the time you assume the dead man floating position, you won't care where your cleavage is or what it is doing. Or if that swimmer in the next lane is looking.
Tonight is yoga. I am asking for extra abs so I can match them to my aching arms and legs.
Holy s#*t I am gonna die.
...life is good.
find me @jonesbabie on Twitter
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
|wretch as wilson|
Yesterday we were at the pool party my oldest daughter Jen had planned for the twins, who turn 8 tomorrow. My daughters and I were at a table in a room adjacent to the kitchen, having a discussion that rambled here, there and everywhere, and enjoying some laughter along the way. I was talking to Wretched Daughter (my youngest child) across from me. I couldn't see anything but her eyes, because her face was hidden behind an impatiens I had brought in from the patio to make room for enough food to feed about a dozen kids and several adults. I was thinking how weird it was to talk to Wretch and not be able to see her mouth, when she suddenly shoved the flower aside and said:
"I am tired of having a Wilson conversation with you."
That was the aha moment when I realized that once again, our minds were in tune and she had been thinking the same thing I was thinking.
Jen just laughed at us.
For those of you not familiar with a Wilson conversation, here is a clip from Home Improvement, the show that created his character. No one ever saw his face, just his eyes. (His face was finally revealed after years on the show.)
...life is good. ~cath
find me @jonesbabie on Twitter